Monday, January 21, 2008

Independent or Dependent?

When it comes to doing things are you independent or dependent on others?

I got to thinking about this earlier today, as I sat here depressing myself because I didn't get to go to Target and Michael's today like I was thinking of doing as I fell asleep last night. I was still planning that excursion this morning when I got up ~ even made sure Jason wasn't going into the office today so I could take the youngest with me but leave the older two here doing schoolwork while he was working.

Do you know where I went today? NOWHERE.

I started thinking, realized today was a holiday and all public schools, along with state & federal employees were off today. So I thought it would be more crowded then a normal Monday morning. Well, okay that would be okay I'd take all three kids with me if my mom would meet me for a few hours. THEN his buddy called and he was on the phone with him for over two hours while he worked so then it was lunchtime and too late to call her to meet me.

Honestly I juts wanted to go alone, or with Avery. And sneak in a stop at Steak Escape to quench this craving for a cheesesteak & fries I'm having while out.

Anyways, so it's lunchtime and Justin says he has a spelling test today, well that isn't a test I can just hand them and tell them to do it, ya know...someone has to say those words for him to spell.

So I got to thinking. I used to just put Avery in the car and go while the other two were in school. Now I cringe at the thought of going out with the older two anytime that other kids their age are in school because of those 'looks' and 'comments' that are incurred *I know you other home schoolers know what I'm talking about* and I guess I just haven't grown thick enough skin to deal with either yet. But I'd just plan a few hours out and go. Now I go nowhere during the week unless it's to my mom's house for a play date with my nephew (who is 3) with my kids.

WHEN did I become so dependent on someone else to go do something?

I sat here yesterday and could have went out alone but I talked myself out of it.
Today I talked myself out of it with reasons that I could have overcome ( I do have a prepaid cell phone I could have called her from & done the spelling test later).

I tend to not go anymore unless we're all out, or Jason & I go out together for a few hours. Then we end up going to the grocery store and that is about it usually.

DEPRESSING is exactly what it is. I don't like being a homebody ~ it depresses me but yet I feel so dependent on someone else going to go anywhere! GGRR!


Suprina said...

Jennifer, I know how you feel. For me to go anywhere I am so dependant on Eric right now. Since he has the only running car. Hopefully, that will change sometime this year.

When I do have my own van, I pick up and go whenever I need to. Go grocery shopping whenever and take the kids to school when I want now...I can't do that.

We do leave Daniel home alone by himself. For A Hour or so at a time. He has rules that he must follow in order to stay at home. He loves it. He usuallys watches television, place with his basketball in his room or plays a game on the computer (not online)

I so know where you are coming from.

jenn said...

I am a homebody, but I like it. The fact that I don't drive makes me dependent on other people, mostly my hubby.

If you're feeling so dependent, do something out of the norm, just to see how it feels. If you don't like going out alone, you don't have to.

Jen said...

Hey, I'm reading your blog for the 1st time today. I found your link on my friend Crystal's blog, Memoirs of a Mommy! I've enjoyed what I've read so far and can relate to the dependent thing.. . I'm looking forward to reading your blog more often! It's fun! :)