As I find myself super frustrated with myself this week, I can’t help but wonder why. Why, as a society, do we (mostly as women, I think) put so much emphasis on a simple number?
In 2009 I was fed up with my weight, my health, doctor’s orders etc. and decided I was going to do something about it. I set a goal to get myself to a ‘healthy’ weight and BMI and I did more then that, I actually surpassed that goal by about 10lbs.
So why as I step on the scale earlier this week to discover the number going back up am I so frustrated with myself? It’s still just a number! And for that matter, it’s still under that first goal I set. It’s still a healthy number & BMI. Yet, I decided, no more junk for me! I must get back to drinking nothing but water! I must cut the carbs out once again (not that I eat that many anymore anyway)! I must go back to my food list from my Naturopath (again, not that I had strayed a lot) while everyone else in my house continues to eat whatever they want whenever they want.
Is it because I thought I was doing so well? I mean I started running with a friend in September. Yes, it’s not everyday and it’s not always a good, hard run, but we’re out there trying for at least 3 miles (or more)most weeks and I found I really enjoy it.
I did something a few months ago that I never thought I would do, but once I decided to do it I was super excited about it. I looked forward to it, to seeing my husband’s reaction etc. And it sure boosted my confidence level and I was so proud of myself for actually doing it after the fact. I loved the results and thought, Wow! Is that really me? Yet, here I am today thinking, Wow….where did that me go? *sigh*
We tell our daughters, “You are beautiful no matter what.” “It’s what on the inside that counts.” “God loves you no matter what you look like.” So forth and so on, but I find, as we age (Okay, maybe it’s just me) that seems to get pushed to the back of our minds and all we can do it focus on that darn number, of which is causing me major frustrations……why?